


Border Collies

by billymermays



Series: Border Collies [1]
Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Star Trek, Supernatural, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2013-11-27
Packaged: 2018-01-02 18:18:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billymermays/pseuds/billymermays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written with the help of Computer, Ginger, and Leonard Mccoy<br/>Probably I mean</p>
    </blockquote>





	Border Collies

**Author's Note:**

> Written with the help of Computer, Ginger, and Leonard Mccoy  
> Probably I mean

"Jay Gatsby leaned against the doorway of his mansion, gingerly holding a pipe to his lips as he stared blankly ahead at the star-studded sky. Nick Carraway watched him from afar, a muffin basket cradled in his arms. He’d meant to bring it as a welcome gift to Gatsby, but like on the day that he had first seen him staring wistfully at the green light across the dock, Nick felt that intruding upon his introspection would be destructive, in the least. But then Gatsby’s head swiveled 240 degrees so that his emerald green eyes caught Nick’s.  
“Hello, Old Sport. Why don’t you come in?” Without a further word, he sauntered in the doorway, leaving Nick staring at his perfectly tailored trousers.  
Nick scrambled after him, feeling rude to reject another invitation.  
He followed through the voluptuous marble center room, following the sound of Gatsby’s patent leather shoes against the staircase.  
Nick Carraway found himself being led through the high-ceiling hallways, until he reached the last open door. As he peered into the room, his eyes caught a large canopy bed, on top of which was the one and only Nick Gatsby.  
“Come and join me, Old Sport. The water is fine.”  
“You’re not even in any water.” Gatsby raised both his eyebrows.  
“Not yet, Old Sport.”  
“You do know my name is Nick, don’t you?”  
“ Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?” He said, and his voice continued on like that for 80 years. Nick died and his body decayed at Gatsby’s bedside, and rumors circulated around New York of the constant “uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh” song that filled the New York air. Eventually, it was overshadowed by the sound of car horns and street traffic, and one day news of this mysterious sound reached Kansas.  
“Hey Sammy, look at this. It’s an article about some weird sound coming from some mansion continuously for 80 years straight.”  
“Wow Dean I think I heard about that, wasn’t it because the owner of the mansion’s gay lover revealed his true name when he thought his name was Old Sport the whole time?”  
“Yeah that sounds about right. Let’s go investigate.”  
They investigated and found Jay Gatsby’s skull with an open jaw, the sound emanating out of it so loudly that they had to wear sparkly earmuffs everywhere in a hundred yard radius. Eventually they braced through the sound waves and shut Gatsby’s jaw, and the sound stopped. Then they accidentally pushed his skeleton out of the window and into the pool in the backyard.  
“Oops” said Dean.  
And Castiel descended from Heaven above and whispered sweetly and gravelly in both Winchesters’ ears “lol y’all fucked up.”  
“Yo Castiel! Down here!” Castiel cupped a hand around his ear.  
“What is it? What is that beautiful voice I hear emanating from the blazing pits of hell. I must pull out the soul that owns that voice.” Castiel dove down into hell, eyes shut, and pulled out a soul, then dropped it on the ground.  
“You! Are you the one who called me?” The dog barked.  
“No, that is not the voice that summoned me.” He reached blindly back into the pits of hell and grabbed another soul, then dropped it on the ground.  
“Are you the soul who called me and who I am destined to save?” Leonard McCoy shrugged.  
“Yeah, totally, sure, I guess.”  
“I don’t believe you but I’m really tired so I’m going to leave you two alone and go back to heaven bye lolz later.”  
Leonard McCoy looked at the dog.  
“Hey I think I remember you. Computer wrote a fanfiction about the two of us back when I was like sixteen or something. Well this is awkward.” The dog barked in a way that clearly said,  
“This isn’t awkward at all and also I’m gay.”  
“That’s cool I guess but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.” The dog nuzzled his hand.  
“Oh, what the hell. Haha see what I did there I said hell and that’s where we just came from hahahahahaha okay let’s make out now you know I made Computer swear the fanfiction wouldn’t get weird but it kind of did towards the end.” 

And from far above, Castiel whispered, “Meta.”  
“Remember that one time we did that one thing where we touched each other?”  
“No.”  
Oh.  
It was he-man, I was sure of it. ;)  
OH MON DIEU MERE. THIS CANNONT HAPPEN, NOT TONIGHT.  
Castiel clicked his right breast.

Meanwhile, the mysterious talking down from Computer's Fanfiction at Age Sixteen had been doing mental math. He stared at Leonard McCoy with big confused doggie eyes. 

“Your calculations are incorrect.” 

Leonard McCoy frowned at the dog, and sat down on a park bench which was conveniently located in the near vicinity for the purpose of setting a scene. “What calculations.” 

“Well u c i am an smart dog and your narrative said 80 years, when in fact jay gatsby died in 1925, so in 2005 after 80 years you wouldn’t have been sixteen, or have been born for that matter, not for over 200 years, and therefore Computer’s fanfiction of you and I at age 16 would not have been written yet.” 

Leonard McCoy’s intelligent response was “. . . What narrative.” Because as a fictional character, Leonard McCoy is not privy to the details explained in story exposition. 

The bench began to rotate and spun in a semi-circular motion. It shook back and forth as the dog sprouted wings. 

“80 years is a long time Leonard McCoy.” The dog was a border collie. Aren’t all dogs border collies. 

"A really long time Leonard McCoy." 

"Old as balls, Leonard McCoy."

"Why were you in hell Leonard McCoy." 

Leonard McCoy didn't remember why he was in hell. Why did angel take him out of hell. Much doge. Border Collie began to roate in semi-circular motion. 

Aren't all dogs border collies. 

 

"Leonard McCoy has been compromised." Leonard Mc

 

Coy

 

exp l oded/

 

happy thanksgiving leonard mccoy.

 

whispered the rotating border collie.

 

jay gatsby began screaming not in the distance but in the subconscious or all border collies

 

aren't all dogs border collies.

And that concludes a message from our sponsers, The Night Vale Pet Shelter," reported Cecil, "Where the fan fiction is bad, and the dogs are all border collies.

Aren't all dogs border collies, listeners? Aren't they?"


End file.
